Letting go of qualifiers
What is it about the way we qualify all the good in our lives? Why do we feel the need to explain away truly wonderful things? Does it make us feel less guilty? Less like we're bragging about our life? Somehow dim our 'specialness' in the moment? And why the heck would we want to feel less special?
For some reason, from a young age, many of us are inculcated with the belief that demurring, deflecting, or diminishing a complement is more proper or polite than accepting it outright with a confident smile. I'm noticing it in myself a lot lately, and I'm declaring that I'm done. I am setting an intention to end this tendency to explain-away the really wonderful things in my life.
Here are a few examples of some things I've diminished in the last couple of days and what's sparked this intention to stop the madness:
- When I showed a friend the house my hubby + I close on in a few weeks: (friend) - "Wow, Jo! This house is AMAZING. It's so beautiful. What a great location. I'm SO happy for you guys!" (my response) - "Yeah, but the kitchen is SO small. Like teeny, tiny dollhouse small. Did you notice how small it is??"
- When a friend complemented a crazy arm-balance I'm able to do in yoga: (friend) - "Jo - that's so cool that you can do that pose. It looks really hard!" (my response) - "No, really, it's not that hard at all. If you find the right way to see-saw balance in the pose it's soo easy. It's almost like it's cheating. So not a big deal."
- When an old friend from college who I hadn't seen in a while asked about my business: (friend) - "So how is it all going? It's been almost a year, right? So incredible you've struck out on your own for a whole year!" (my response) "Yeahhh, wow. A whole year, right. Things are good. Really good. I mean it's slow and steady you know? Still a small step here and there. I'm really happy, I know absolutely I'm doing the right thing but it's just you know a bit by bit thing just slowly ramping up, etc (ramble, ramble, ramble)."
Whyyyyyy do I have this tendency to lessen, to draw back? My friends and family members are all wonderful and supportive people who would LOVE to hear about the amazing things developing in all areas of my life. Why am I reluctant to celebrate them in a more free and easy manner?
For the record, I am so damn excited for our new house (no matter how tiny), I'm extremely proud of my upper body strength that I've worked long and hard to cultivate in my arm balances and my business is going incredibly well - thank you for asking.
I'm proud of what I've accomplished, what is mine, what I share, and what I've earned. I think it's high time we take pride in ourselves and encourage others to do the same. Let's walk tall with confidence, grace, and gratitude, for all the wonders of our lives -- without demure, excuse, or apology.