A Year Ago Today

Earlier this week I discovered an old journal. It had actually been a gift from a friend and client, and I was delighted to find that first page brought me, almost exactly to the day, of one year prior.

To be completely honest, I'm a messy journaler. I mix reflections, with to-dos, with gratitude lists and even with workshop notes - as page one opened to workshop notes for a meditation I gave at a DC high school.

I was excited - albeit a little nervous - to see what this version of self had to say. 

In an effort to be a vulnerable guide, I'm sharing the areas that have staying relatively constant, the areas that are quite different, and the areas that have remained hinderances across (at least) this past year.

And what I found was quite illuminating:

AREAS OF CONSISTENCY

1. This time last year I was just diving into a daily spiritual practice. I was ignited - and I could see it in my writing. Today I still feel that same spark for the yogic practices and meditations I do each and every day. I am committed to own personal way of connecting to the divine and the freedom that discipline lends to my mind and, in turn, my life. 
2. I was enthralled by the words of gifted teachers and had written down amazing quotes from teachers like Eckhart Tolle, Paolo Coelho, and Tara Brach. I still find myself a seeker of knowledge and wisdom from words, podcasts, articles, etc. 
3. I was beginning to push myself towards the "why" of my actions - why am I creating certain events, partnerships, or blogs? I love that practice of reflection and continue it today as much as I can to ensure this work is not driven from ego but from service. 

THE DIFFERENCES

1. I had valued myself and my time a lot less in terms of some of the events I would do with companies and organizations for free. Though Wandering Wellness is only a little over 2 years old, I've finally recognized that when I value myself and my work fully, I command that same sort of respect from others. 
2. I wasn't putting myself first in terms of my "to-do" list. These days, I am ideally spending the first few hours of the day getting my own house in order (metaphorically and sometimes literally), to prepare my to be my best self for clients and events across the afternoon and evening. I know now with a solid inner foundation, I can be so much more authentic and magnetic in the external world. 
3. I put so much weight on goals that were numerical. I have all these goals written down about social media stats I was hoping to achieve: 10K instagram followers, 2,000 engaged newsletter subscribers, etc. And it took me reading my own hungry words, to recognize I would much rather have an deeply engaged small tribe, than a surface-scratching huge one. Stats on social media are distracting, sure, but not the be all end all goal. I know that now. 

THE PLACES I WAS AND STILL AM A BIT STUCK

1. I have many instances where I write about the need for more art. Art Museums, painting, taking a pottery class, etc. For whatever reason I still feel a bit held back here. Perhaps it's because so much of what I do each day can be interpreted as creative or artsy. But this is a reminder it's time to get a paintbrush back into my hand ASAP. 
2. Though I didn't outright say it, I can feel a similar need to digest in my words then that I still have today. A need to pause more in sacred silence. And let the planning, analyzing, and intelligent brain take a backseat to the wisdom of quiet intuition and subtle instinct. 
3. Though I hate to admit it, I was and still very much am working on my phone-as-appendage issues - especially as it relates to social media. On the one hand, as I just shared, I recognize that goals of pure numbers are actually irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. Yet on the other hand, actions (and addictions) can sometimes speak louder than words. It's frustrating to see similar thoughts and words from this time, and yet - a great reminder of the preciousness of time, and the ways we can often get in our own way. 

I share all of this with you today in hopes it reminds you of the humanity we all share. In many ways we are still the same self we always were, yet, we are also growing and shifting - even in the ways we dance with the habits and cycles that hold us back. 

Moreover, there is a freedom in seeing that stuckness, and in reminding myself that I am the Captain of my ship, and I am the enabled one when it comes to telling a different story. Each of us truly gets to choose his or her own adventure. So you better believe I am not holding a pity party for my areas of addiction and issue, but instead thanking them for their lessons, and writing my story of this time next year a little differently.

I hope this inspires you to do the same.